


I'm here with you.

by orphan_account



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Asexual Christine Canigula, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Bisexual Rich Goranski, Coping, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay Michael Mell, Heavy Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Lesbian Jenna Rolan, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide, my first Angst fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-06 01:47:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12201450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Highschool ended five years ago. Christine and Jeremy were planning on getting married, and moved to New York//Something// happens.Michael drives over from New Jersey.Guess who ends up falling in love.





	1. She's dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A woman stands on the roof of Gershwin Theatre.
> 
> A woman sits at a desk revising articles.
> 
> A man stays at home on vocal rest.
> 
> A man sits on his roof in New Jersey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Suicide.
> 
> This might be very inacurate as I don't live in New York and have never experiENCED THESE SCENARIOS BEFORE

 Christine Canigula stands on the edge of the roof of Gerswhin Theatre in broadway. Over the past five years, she's developed anxiety. Her eyes are red and puffy, sitting next to her is a two page long front-to-back note. On it explains the suffocating feeling she feels when she sings, and the shaking hands she hides during her preformances. The note includes the words "I'm sorry" twenty nine times. But the words "I'm sorry Jeremy" are included ten times.

 Jenna Rolan has become the creator of a big-shot magazine publishing company. She lives in top floor of an apartment complex near Gershwin Theatre. She's taking a walk in the city for once when she spots someone on top of the theatre, and joins the crowd around.  
  
 Jeremy Heere is on vocal rest after three months of shows in a row. The girl he plans to marry isn't home yet and he's worried. He knows she'll be okay though, she's always more confident than he is.

 Michael Mell is setting up a record label in New Jersey, missing his old high school friends. His best friend moved to new york with his girlfriend, to broadway. Michael plans to move to California in a year, if nothing happens.

* * *

 There was a knock on our apartment door. Christine was supossed to be home about an hour ago, it was probably her. I slid off the couch and stepped toward the door.  
  
  "Hello, Mr. Heere." An officer stands in the dorway, I can feel the anxiety swirling inside my chest.  
  
  "Uh, Hello? D-did something happen?" My voice cracks.  
  
  "I'm sorry, but, your girlfriend jumped off of Gerswhin Theatre about an hour ago." He said, looking down, or something like that. I couldn't tell because of the dark sunglasses he was wearing inside.

 I feel my hands shaking, and my face morph from concerned to horrified and hurt.  My stomach unsettles, I might vomit, as the floor sways beneath me. Ringing in my ears grows loud. Everything sort of slows.  _She's dead._ I think.  _She commited suicide and she never told me about how she was feeling_. My eyelids feel like lead, I lean against the wall and clutch my chest, trying not to throw up again. Everything is black now. I think I'm laying down now? I wake up with my head being held up by the officer and on the floor. 

* * *

 Jeremy calls me about once every two days, and I miss him more than anything. This call today was different from every other one. His voice was shaking, and breathy.  
  
  "Michael I- Ch-Christine she... She jumped off the roof of a building." He said, without a Hello.  
  
  I hesitated "Jer, I- I'm so sorry..." My eyes watered too. Our friend group became close-knit after the squips were gone. Christine was a lot more than I made her out to be and Jeremy was more in love with her than anything.   
  
  "I- I don't know what t-to do... a-and I'm scared." He spoke quickly, "S-she never told me a-a-about how she felt or _anything-_ " He continued ranting.  
  
  "Jer-"  
  
  "A-and I-I-I just-"  
  
  "Jeremy!" I cut him off. "Everything is going to be okay alright? I'm dropping everything and I'm gonna head to New York tomorrow okay?"  
  
  "Wh-What?" He stopped and took a shakey breath. "Michael you can't-"  
  
  " _I'm coming over, okay?_ "    
  
  He stopped. "Okay."  
  
  "I'll see you in a few hours. Don't do anything dumb okay?"  
  
  "You always end up getting me to do what you want every once in a while, now don't you?"  
  
  "It's because I'm your best friend." There was a playful tone in my voice.  
  
  "Ah, that's r-right." He said.  
  
  "Goodnight, see ya' tomorrow."  
  
  "Night, Mikey."  
  



	2. You're here!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael drove for two hours just to see Jeremy again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm

 The drive to New York was about two hours. Michael left at around ten am, about thirteen hours after I last talked to him. I heard a knock on the door and a soft voice form outside, "Jeremy?". I can't really remember slamming open the door but all I do know now is that we're hugging tightly and I'm on the floor. My eyes sting while they well up with tears. I haven't seen his face in person for a year. I think he let out a sob, but my ears were ringing.   
  
  "I- I missed you  _so much!_ " He cried as the door slowly clicked closed.  
  
  "Me too..." I said softly into his ear. "A-and everything is all over the news. I-I've been getting calls Michael,  _so many calls!_ " I broke. I collapsed into his chest. I  _hated_ having to make phone calls. It didn't even matter what it was about. Warm tears stream down my face as I sob pathetically, shaking and holding onto him. " _I think I'm dying._ " I choke out.  
  
  "Jeremy shh, it's all going to be okay..." Michael cooed to me. Ever since freshman year I've been counting how many times he's said that to me. So far it's five hundred fifty-six.    
  
  " _Ican'tbreath._ " I gasped for air to fill my burning lungs. The suffocating feeling was surrounding me.  
  
  "Okay, breathe in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Hold your breath, one, two three four." I was still gasping.  "Breathe out, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven." I followed and repeated the steps three times until my head stopped spinning.   
  
  " _I'm so sorry I just- I- I- J-just..._ She's gone." I gripped his shoulders.  
  
  "Jeremy, we're all sad too. We all loved Christine." I just now noticed he was crying too. "Have you read the note yet?" He sniffed.  
  
  "I- I tried..." I confessed.  
  
  "We shou-" He got cut off by my phone buzzing.  
  
 I checked it.  
  
  _Text from JRollan_  
  
 JRollan: I just saw the news  
  
 JRollan: I'm so sorry  
  
 JRollan: I'm devastated to  
  
 JRollan: do you want to talk?  
  
  



	3. I didn't know it was her.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna had no idea that the woman standing on the building was Christine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jenna's POV this time!
> 
> Trigger warning: mentions of suicide (this is gonna happen often jfc)

_JRoland: Do you want to talk?_  
  
_JHeere: Not riight now, sorry_  
  
_JRoland: It's okay_  
  
_JRoland: I'm devastaed too_  
  
_JRoland: I stopped by the theater when she was up there_  
  
_JRoland: I had no idea it was her_  
  
_JRoland: Bye_  
  
 I set the phone face down on my desk with the screen down, and held my face in my hands. Christine Canigula had commited suicide and I saw her  _minutes before she jumped._ The word played in my head like an audio file stuck on repeat.  
  
_Minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes minutes._  
  
 God I felt so guilty.  I had stopped to look at her for three minutes and had no idea it was one of my high school friends up there. I can't even imagine how Jake and Jeremy feel. I didn't want to open up any social media because it would be flooded with posts about Christine right now, the great broadway actress. I don't think I could look at her picture. Wait, has Rich heard?   
  
 I called him. The phone rang twice before he picked up. "Hey JJ."  
  
  "Rich, have you seen the news?" I asked.  
  
  "Uh no, I don't read the news that much so..."  
  
  "It's about Christine." My voice was flat.  
  
  "Christine? What happened?"   
  
 I paused and inhaled, "She jumped off of Gerswhin Theater yesterday. She's gone." The other end of the line was silent.  
  
  "O-Oh, my god." He let out a shaky breath. "I have to talk to Jeremy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I have a lot of school work so I can't update as frequently so I'm making these chapters really short so I can update faster!!


	4. Talk to me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How's Jeremy doing?"
> 
> "H-He's doing bad to be honest. I've never seen him so wrecked. He hasn't been eating anything and he's still in denial."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back after a long time whoops
> 
> Rich's p.o.v

  "H-He said he didn't wanna talk. You could try calling Michael though." Jenna said.  
  
  "Oh Okay, see you later." I hung up, then called Michael. The phone rang once, twice, three times, four, then a "H-Hey."  
  
  "Hey. How's Jeremy doing?" I spoke fast.  
  
  "H-He's doing bad to be honest. I've never seen him so wrecked. He hasn't been eating anything and he's still in denial." Michael's tone was hushed. "It's raining over here so that's one good thing." Rain releases the same chemicals antidepressants do. The SQUIP has told me that.  
  
  "A- About Christine," I hesitated, "Did Jer know?"  
  
  "No, she never said anything or expressed it. She was a pretty good actress." Michael sighed.  
  
 I heard a knock on the door. "Shit- I have to go, talk to you later." I hung up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how does one motivate themselves to finish something.
> 
> I think I'm going to take a break from this. I can't find motivation to finish things. I really want to start another one of my fics over and make a new one.


	5. Their Relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Hey babe."
> 
> "I told you not to call me that, Richard."
> 
> "You dare use my birth name, Jacob?!"
> 
> "Oh I dare!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im making this light and fluffy because i need to hop off the angst train for a bit whoops :,)
> 
> Rich's P.O.V

 I shoved my phone in my pocket before opening the door to let Jake in.  
  
  "Hey dude." He stepped inside the house before shrugging his bag off his shoulders and setting it by the stairs.

  "Hey babe," I shut the door.

  "I told you not to call me that, _Richard,_ " He teasted

  "You dare use my birth name!?  _Jacob_?!"

  "Oh I dare!" He pushed me against the wall lightly and kissed me.  
  
  "Well that was nice," I said after he pulled away, and smiled.But my face dropped, remembering the conversation I just had. I'd tell him later. Jake plopped down on the couch and I joined him, but instead of sitting i threw myself across it with my chest on his knees. "College is a bitch." He sighed, "We're doing a group project and guess what? Only me and Elizabeth do the goddamn work."   
  
  "You see, that's why I'm waiting to go, and because it's so damn expensive," I retorted.  
  
  "Ugh, you're right." He sighed. "I'm gonna eat some cereal." He squinted towards the kitchen.  
  
  "At eight p.m?" I laughed.  
  
  "Hey man, If I want cereal I'm getting cereal." He pushed me off him playfully, and I rolled towards the floor.  
    
  "Damn it Jake, I would strangle you if i could reach your throat."  
  
  "Good luck trying." He winked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *me searching for motivation* who?? where??? cant find her.


End file.
